I. Claudius – by P.A. deMatteo


The friendless,

Irreligious, elderly West Village Manhattan Fruit, an I. Claudius Westenhouse the t’ird,

Rose from a deadly slumber

That Chrissmas morn’,

Ripped an illicit if not

Colossally revoltin’

Machine-gun fart

Of such positively demonic intensity,

That Lenny Grabler and family’s

Little puppy Sam even began barkin’,

For the luv of Christ.

Then, I. Claudius hit the east side

Bathhouse like the

Plague had hit ‘em,

Despite his cussed

300 lbs. of lard.

Father Damien was there,

Prancin’ around nude with

His  27 year old,

10 inch Dominican dinga-ling

Bouncin’ the hell up and down

‘sif he was purposely wigglin’ up

A storm.

Padre Damien completely

Ignored I. Claudius

With the bitchiness that only

A new York city faggot

Was capable ov.


Some other Caribbean

Hispanics left the steam

Room, their cocks

Humongous as the

Italian sausages they done craved.


Those cocks were off limits

To I. Claudius And all of t’other

Fruits o’er 45 y.o.



To make an

All too long story


  1. Claudius picked

up a nasty

case o’

bedbugs at the

east side club.

Father Damien wasn’t even

Touched by ‘em.

  1. Claudius had ta throw all ov his cussed

Furniture out. Even a

Minimalist extermination done by his

Landlord hymen berger did nuttin’.

‘twas a rent-control.


  1. Claudius

Gave up the dance,

Moved down the hell

To the Jersey Shore,

& quickly became so

Utterly bereft

That he

Jumped into the north atlantic

Late one night

Just dreamin’

Of 18 year old studs galore,

Until a

Wave knocked him out

& drowned him,

Which may have been

All 4 da better,



The End!


*** *** ***

P.A. deMatteo

  • During the late 1980’s, my poetry was published and featured in Manhattanite Harold Serban’s THE POETRY EDGE. I was also a regular reader at the Newyorican Poet’s Café but the late night hours and the ordeals of returning to the Bronx got the best of me.  A short story of mine entitled TONY diPASQUALE published in NUVEIN MAGAZINE. Currently, I have several poems accepted for GAY FLASH FICTION and INCLEMENT MAGAZINE.



*** *** ***


Author: gayflashfic

Manager of Gay Flash Fiction

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: